Blood Red Velvet Cupcakes

Blood Red Velvet Cupcakes: A rich red velvet cupcake, filled with caramel flavoured sweetened condensed milk, topped with white chocolate cream cheese icing, caramel flavoured candy glass, and drizzled with more sweetened condensed milk.

Mood: Did something just make you so angry that you want to stab an inanimate object with a sharp piece of glass? Take your aggression out on this cupcake, stabbing it with candy glass until delicious red goo oozes out. Red to match the rage you feel inside.

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I am an employed human now. I have a job, I go to work, I come home and veg out. But that can get kind of boring, and I like hanging out with people that aren’t on a television show. Also, I love to bake, but I don’t share groceries with anyone in my house. So I don’t bake much at home, because I never feel like finishing a whole batch of cupcakes by myself.

How do I solve these two problems you ask? Why, by invading my friends homes and baking them delicious treats and distracting them from their studies. Ah yes, a delicious distraction. The way to your friends’ hearts is always through their tummies.

I had wanted to make “Blood Red Velvet Cupcakes” for a while now, but hadn’t really had the right occasion to do so. Now was my chance! My friends already know I’m a slightly crazy person, and won’t be weirded out by the fact that I’m stabbing my cupcakes with shards of glass and making them ooze sweet, edible blood. Perfect.

And thus began the creation of one intense cupcake. I realize this cupcake would have been seasonally appropriate in Halloween, but tough cupcakes cookies. I make what I feel like making when I feel like making it. That’s the entire point of this “Eat Your Feelings” recipe series.

Also I feel like I should warn you, these are sweet cupcakes. Not sweet as in awesome, but sweet as in your dentist would cringe if he even so much as looked at one. The sweetened condensed milk with frosting and basically pure sugar glass on top? So if you don’t like super sweet cupcakes, maybe only drizzle the condensed milk on top and don’t fill it. Or add less sugar to the frosting. But if you have a crazy sweet tooth, then go to town!

Instructions: 

Preheat your oven to 350 F. Line 12 muffin tins with cupcake liners. My friends had little silicone cupcake molds which were super cool and reusable! First time using them. I liked it.

Sift together 1 1/4 cup flour, 1/4 teaspoon baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and 1 tablespoon cocoa powder. In another bowl, beat the 1/4 cup of butter until soft. Then add the 3/4 cup sugar and beat until fluffy. Add the 1 egg and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract and beat together.

Then, in a glass measuring cup or a bowl, whisk together 1/2 cup of milk and 1/2 tablespoon of white vinegar (or buttermilk if you prefer). Let sit for a few minutes, then add red food colouring. I used “Christmas Red,” which by the way I think is extremely absurd. How can a holiday claim an entire colour? Christmas doesn’t get a monopoly on red. There’s plenty of other things that are red. It’s absolutely ridiculous. Freaking Christmas, thinking everything is about it. Well it’s not. What an egotistical holiday, supposing it can have a whole colour to itself. Christmas.

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Bright pink milk. So appetizing. Reminds me of the time my brother and I put food dye in the milk for April Fools day. We had to drink blue milk for a few days.

Anyway. I just added enough to make this bright pink colour. It doesn’t need to be super red because when added with the brown cocoa powder it’ll make a nice dark red.

Now time to mix it all together. Alternately add the flour and buttermilk to the butter and sugar mixture, beginning and ending with the flour (so flour milk flour milk flour).

In another small cup, combine 1/2 teaspoon white vinegar and 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda and let it fizz. Fold it into the cake batter.

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See, told you it would get darker with the cocoa powder. The lighting isn’t the best but this is a classic red velvet dark red colour.

Divide the batter into your 12 lined muffin cups and bake for 18-23 minutes or until a knife inserted in the middle of your biggest cupcake comes out clean.

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Let’s put some buns in the oven!

While those cupcakes are baking, it’s time to start on the glass. Prepare a pan by taking wax paper and placing it over a pan, or use a silicone no stick baking matt. Spray it will cooking spray.

Take 1/2 cup of sugar, 2 1/2 tablespoons cup light corn syrup, 1 tablespoon of water, and 1/2 teaspoon of flavouring (I used caramel flavouring, but you can use something else if you wish) and bring to boil in a small saucepan. I made twice that much so it’ll look like I have a lot more candy glass, but it was completely unnecessary.

I also did not realize why you would want light corn syrup and used regular, so my glass had an amber tint. Not the worst thing, but if you want clear glass use light corn syrup.This amount should be plenty. Stir until the sugar has dissolved but then don’t stir; just let bubble for 5-7 minutes. I didn’t let mine boil for quite long enough, so my glass wasn’t as hard as it should have been. You want to let it boil for as long as possible before caramelizing basically.

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Just like making caramel, just don’t let it boil as long and caramelize!

When it’s done, immediately poor the sugar onto the prepared pan. Smooth out with a spatula or spoon, and FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY do not touch the hot sugar. I accidentally did and burned my fingers. Sugar sticks to you so it burns pretty badly. I had a gross blister for a week. Don’t. Touch. The. Sugar.

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Sooo shiny! Looks like real glass almost 🙂

Let that cool on the counter, and then stick in the fridge.

Next, the blood. Take a can of sweetened condensed milk and dump about 1/2-3/4 into a bowl- I didn’t end up using the whole can so you probably won’t either, and it’ll save food colouring if you don’t colour some unnecessarily. Mix in a teaspoon of flavouring (again, I used caramel. It would make more sense to use something associated with red like cherry, strawberry, or raspberry, but they do not carry that at my local Zehrs. Go figure).

Then comes the tricky part; making it look like blood colour. I kept forgetting what blood looked like, so I would drizzle it on my hand to see if it looked convincing. I ended up doing a bunch of red colouring, with a touch of blue and a bit of brown. But really just a smidge of blue so it doesn’t turn all purple. Mine ended up a bit more purple than I would have liked but it was pretty ok. A good way to start is take a bit of milk and put it in a separate dish, and experiment with colour. Just red and black together would also look great, I just don’t have black food colouring.

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These are the colours I used. Gel food colouring is good to use because it’s so concentrated.

When you get it to look like what you want, then do that to the larger bowl, trying to recreate the proportions of colour you did with the little sample. That way if you screw it up you don’t screw up the whole bowl.

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My bowl of blood. Mwahaha. So gruesome!

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I’m bleeding!!!!

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Ah yes, sorry doctor, I stuck my hand into a blender while it was on. Got cuts all over my fingers.

Anyway. After you’re done playing with the blood (which I had a lot of fun doing), make the icing. Beat together 8 oz cream cheese, 1/2 cup of butter, pinch of salt and 1 teaspoon of vanilla. Beat in 4 cups of powdered sugar (or to tasted, depending on how sweet you like your icing. Lastly melt a cup of white chocolate on the stove over medium low heat, and beat into the frosting. I debated making the frosting black because white isn’t exactly an angry colour, but though then there wouldn’t be much contrast to see the blood. If you feel like black rage then by all means colour it black. This cupcake would also look stunning with black cupcake wrappers if you know where to find them. I do not- let me know if you know the secrets to black food colouring and black wrappers.

Our favourite, assembly time! Cut a small cone out the top of each cupcake and fill with the sweetened condensed milk blood.

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So deliciously goopy!

Put the cone back on top, and pipe on the white icing. Then get your glass out of the fridge, peel off the wax paper, and snap off pieces. If you have a bit of a hard time peeling off the wax paper, you can run them under water for a bit and try to scrub the paper off with your fingers.

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Careful! Broken glass- you could cut someone with that.

When you get some shards you like, stick them in the icing. If you’re feeling particularly angry, you can stab them vehemently. With vengeance.

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The cupcakes have just been stabbed! Quick, swab the glass for fingerprints.

Then drizzle the sweetened condensed milk blood over top. And there you go! Blood red velvet cupcakes.

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All done! How fantastically gory.

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Also, if you’re anything like me, your kitchen will look like this when you’re done.

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I may have slightly dyed part of their counter with food dye… oops… thank goodness it’s not a white counter!

Ingredients (makes 12 cupcakes)

Cupcakes

  • 1 1/4 cup flour
  • 1/4 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1 tablespoon cocoa powder
  • 1/4 cup unsalted butter at room temperature
  • 3/4 cup white sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup buttermilk, or 1/2 cup of milk and 1/2 tablespoon of white vinegar
  • 1/2 teaspoon of vinegar
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • red food colouring (I prefer gel)

Candy Glass

  • 1/2 cup white sugar
  • 2 1/2 tablespoons light corn syrup
  • 1/2 teaspoon flavouring (I used caramel, you can use whatever you want. Cherry, raspberry, or strawberry might work nice with the red theme)

Fake Blood Filling

  • 1 can sweetened condensed milk
  • Red, brown, and blue gel food colouring (or red and black food colouring)
  • 1 teaspoon flavouring (probably the same you used for the glass)

Frosting

  • 1 cup white chocolate chips or baking chocolate
  • 1 8oz package of cream cheese, room temperature
  • 1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 4 cups of powdered sugar

Brief Instructions:

Preheat your oven to 350 F. Line 12 muffin tins with cupcake liners.

Sift together 1 1/4 cup flour, 1/4 teaspoon baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and 1 tablespoon cocoa powder. In another bowl, beat the 1/4 cup of butter until soft. Then add the 3/4 cup sugar and beat until fluffy. Add the 1 egg and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract and beat together.

Then, in a glass measuring cup or a bowl, whisk together 1/2 cup of milk and 1/2 tablespoon of white vinegar (or buttermilk if you prefer). Let sit for a few minutes, then add red food colouring.

Add enough to make this bright pink colour. It doesn’t need to be super red because when added with the brown cocoa powder it’ll make a nice dark red.

Alternately add the flour and buttermilk to the butter and sugar mixture, beginning and ending with the flour (so flour milk flour milk flour).

In another small cup, combine 1/2 teaspoon white vinegar and 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda and let it fizz. Fold it into the cake batter.

Divide the batter into your 12 lined muffin cups and bake for 18-23 minutes or until a knife inserted in the middle of your biggest cupcake comes out clean.

While those cupcakes are baking, it’s time to start on the glass. Prepare a pan by taking wax paper and placing it over a pan, or use a silicone no stick baking matt. Spray it will cooking spray.

Take 1/2 cup of sugar, 2 1/2 tablespoons cup light corn syrup, 1 tablespoon of water, and 1/2 teaspoon of flavouring and bring to boil in a small saucepan. Stir until the sugar has dissolved but then don’t stir; just let bubble for 5-7 minutes.

When it’s done, immediately poor the sugar onto the prepared pan. Smooth out with a spatula or spoon. Let that cool on the counter, and then stick in the fridge.

Next, the blood. Take a can of sweetened condensed milk and dump about 1/2-3/4 into a bowl. Mix in a teaspoon of flavouring. Then mix in red, brown, and a tiny bit of blue food colouring to make a dark blood colour.

Make the icing. Beat together 8 oz cream cheese, 1/2 cup of butter, pinch of salt and 1 teaspoon of vanilla. Beat in 4 cups of powdered sugar (or to tasted, depending on how sweet you like your icing. Lastly melt a cup of white chocolate on the stove over medium low heat, and beat into the frosting.

Cut a small cone out the top of each cupcake and fill with the sweetened condensed milk blood. Put the cone back on top, and pipe on the white icing. Then get your glass out of the fridge, peel off the wax paper, and snap off pieces.

When you get some shards you like, stick them in the icing. Then drizzle the sweetened condensed milk blood over top. And there you go! Blood red velvet cupcakes.

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